Our guest blogger Susan Pearse from The Mind Gardener
with something just in time for Valentines Day........

Create a Relationship That Thrives When you have Kids

What have you done to cultivate a great relationship with your partner today? 

In the last month?  Or year? Or since having kids? 

If you are like most of us mothers out there the answer is probably “not much!” 

And it’s no wonder why – mouths to feed, routines to fulfil and things to organize.

They say that having children is one of the most challenging times for a relationship.  Countless studies show us that marital satisfaction declines for a period after having a baby.  But does all of the news have to be gloom and doom?  Can we have children and also have a fantastic relationship?

It is possible to not only survive the child rearing period together, but to strengthen your relationship and ensure it thrives.  This starts with changing the way you think about this time and making meaningful choices about each moment you have together. Cultivating your mind is the key to experiencing the joy of a fun, warm and lasting relationship.

Here are my top three tips on how to ensure your relationship thrives, taken from Mind Gardener’s The Great Relationships Guide:

Tip 1: Criticism Free Week

The added pressure of having children somehow makes criticism a more common activity in a relationship.  Regular criticism of your partner’s character using terms such as “you always” and “you never” is one of the predictors of divorce. Why not choose to have a criticism-free week?  Remove terms from your vocabulary and see what effect this has on the other person and your relationship.  You might just want to extend the practice beyond the week!

Tip 2: 7 Second Hug

The busy-ness of parenting causes many other things to go by the wayside.  One of the first things to be neglected is usually the time spent on physical affection.  Romantic touch triggers the release of oxytocin, which mothers know is a key hormone in the pair bonding process.  It also helps to reduce negative emotions.  Whenever you greet your partner, say goodbye or for no reason at all, hug them and hold the embrace for 7 seconds to allow both your brains to release oxytocin.

Tip 3: A Little Thank You

People get happier in relationships by focusing on the things that they have, and are grateful for, rather than the things that are missing in their relationship. Thank your partner for at least three things every day. It could be something small like handing you a towel to dry your child, or the big things like being in your life.

Start with these small exercises each day and see the difference they make. You’ll be amazed at what you get back in return.  Watch how they transform the way you think.  Because in relationships, thoughts really do count!

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