So when is a baby not a baby anymore?

My third child, born last May, will probably always be my "baby".

But before my very eyes he has now become a little boy.

I can't put my finger on the exact moment I realised he had "grown-up".

Maybe when he started to walk it hit me that he was no longer the tiny baby I left hospital with 18 months ago.

I have to say I am full of mixed emotions.

I am sad that my little baby is growing up. We are pretty certain that he is the last baby, its kind of the end of an era.

But on the other hand I am loving the extended chunks of quality sleep - hallelujah!!

I am also fascinated everyday watching his development and seeing the world through his eyes.

I also love the fact I can communicate better with my little man.

When he was a baby (well... younger) it was endless questions back and forth between my husband and I (well actually between me and anyone who was in a 5 metre radius of me and my screaming child) oh and not forgetting the numerous calls to my mum...

Do you think he's hungry? Maybe he's got wind? No I think he's in pain, what do you think? Could be a dirty nappy.

I dont know arrrggghhh???

But now I can ask him things. The answer is usually "No". Come to think of it 9 times out of 10 the answer is no (all my children seem to love that word) but at least he communicates and gives me a better idea of what is going on.

Even after 3 kids I am no baby whisperer - I wish.

It seems like a distant (blurry) memory - and I hear a collective squel of "She can't be serious" from all those new mums and dads..... sleepless nights, feeding every 3 hours (and then some), bizarre nappy monitoring - how many wees? How many poos? What colour? What consistency? (apologies to my father who when he reads this will declare far to much information. A super grandad but just can't handle poo conversation - love you dad!). And lets not forget the constant guessing games of is he too hot, too cold, to wrap or not to wrap. And then there is breastfeeding which I personally  struggled with (but persisted with for all my children). When I had my first baby I assumed breastfeeding was just something that came naturally. But to my shock and sometimes horror - like when my first son regurgitated blood tinged milk from drinking breastmilk from my cracked, bleeding and very very sore nipples! - I  realised this breastfeeding gig does not come naturally to all....and in amongst those first few months the exhaustion, questioning your choices, actions and decisions and wondering whether you are a good mother? What happened to my life? And thinking will I ever be able to have 5 minutes to myself let alone a shower.

Will this ever end? Yes, it does.

Before I go I want to say a huge congratulations to Holly & Neil who welcomed a liitle bundle of joy named Myles into the world recently. To you both and to all the new parents out there - Enjoy every moment - good and bad because trust me one day you will blink, open your eyes and look at your little man or lady and say "Where did my baby go?"

My baby Lachlan.

I run a business from home, like many mums today... and I am a mother of nine beautiful children, expecting my tenth baby in February.  I have seven beautiful boys and two gorgeous girls and I wear many hats each day, from cleaner and chef, to running a constant laundry system. I balance cheque books and children, attending school events and managing nine blogs, as well as playing nurse and running a business.  I am a student, a mummy and a wife, a freelance writer and author.

The most often asked question I receive is ‘How do you do it?,’ after people pick themselves up off the floor with the sheer gravity of the shock of hearing I have nine children in my family.

So how do I do it?...

My life can go from cradle to corporate in five seconds and vice versa.  I have to be prepared for all contingencies, and prepared to change plans at the last minute.  Nothing is ever set in concrete, there is always something or someone to consider in this massive equation, and Murphy’s Law often reigns supreme. This means not sweating the small stuff and being armed with a healthy sense of humour.

I think that many of us today tend to compare ourselves to each other; we suffer mother guilt about so many things - we worry we aren’t doing it right, we worry if we aren’t working enough, or if we work too much, if our children won’t sleep or eat, when they’re ill, or when they’re struggling at school.  We contend with bullies and homework, deadlines and reminders, and we achieve the impossible every day... sometimes miracles just take a little longer! We often look to role models as the yardstick to measure ourselves by and we constantly worry we just aren’t doing enough! ... that we just fall short.

We produce fancy dress costumes out of nothing, and similarly sometimes a meal!  Our best outfits might be covered in vegemite and sometimes we haven’t seen a lipstick in months. We’re all different, but we are all mothers, and we’re all doing our best!  I think it’s healthy to remind ourselves we are after all ‘only human’!

Everyone is an expert and often there is a different opinion each week about what is best for ‘our children’!  I have discovered over 22 years of raising children with varying personalities, that there is no magic formula, no ‘best way’ to do everything and anything that involves our little ones.  I have nine vastly different personalities in my family unit and what works for one doesn’t work for the other. It can certainly be trial... and error... and sometimes more of the error part.  It’s a learning curve.

I have discovered the most healing words are ‘I love you!’ Listening to my children and believing in them no matter what is the magic that heals worries and broken hearts, it is a salve to the soul and a balm to the heart.  The most special gifts that we can give offer each other are love and respect.

I’m still learning, still finding my way; each child brings a new story, his or her life a blank little slate like a field of perfect snow, untouched, unblemished and beautiful.  To walk with them and leave a footprint that means something, that inspires them and gives them the self esteem to someday walk alone, is a lifelong blessing – it is enriching, inspiring and it is the backbone that carries them through some of the toughest times in life.

Sometimes I have to close my eyes and try not count the toys on the floor... sometimes I have to just not care about the toothpaste stick figures on the mirrors or the fingerprints upon the walls. Sometimes I just smile at them instead. Sometimes I just have to breathe out and remember this time is all too fleeting. Time will absorb their youth, alter their chubby hands and dimply smiles but it will also create the memories. How creative they are to turn toothpaste into art.  One day we’ll move house, or paint over the little fingerprints, and they will be no more... one day their footprint will be more than a just a muddy print on the tiles, as they make an impression on the rest of the world, not necessarily the entire world, but most importantly their world!

Sometimes I have to remind myself its’ okay to take a breath and stop.  I don’t have to be all things to all people – its’ okay to rest.  It’s okay not to be perfect. It’s okay not to get it all done.  It will all still be there tomorrow.  Life is too short to imagine the worst and to focus on the difficult.  It’s important to breathe and remember... I am human!  And that’s how I do it.  I take each moment as it comes. I cherish the beautiful, I somehow survive the struggles and I know that tomorrow I get to do it all again... different... better... hopefully learning something along the way... every day is a chance to give it my best.  Some days will be better than others...

But one thing is for sure, whether I am wearing Stilettos or Fluffy Slippers, in chaos or the corporate world, it is great to love and be loved, and is my highest accolade to date.

Michelle Hayward is a mother of 9, with over 21 years experience as a parent and a Freelance Writer and Photographer who is about to release her debut novel ‘Falling.’ Michelle has certificates in Natural Therapies, Aromatherapy, Interior Decorating, and Diplomas in Make-Up Artistry; she is a Nursing & Childbirth Education student.  She is expecting her tenth baby in February, 2011.

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